Sophia =D

Actually, this blog was supposed to be written on Sophia's( my niece)birthday, December 10; but since it had been a hell of a week, I didn't have enough time to finish this for my niece.

Katatapos lang ng prelim exams namin kahapon.

Bakasyon na naman! =D

Right after our practical exam in PE, i celebrated by treating myself to my favorite fast-food resto since birth, Jolllibee =D

I ordered 2 pieces of chicken barbeque(with 2 extra rice), spaghetti, 2 jolly hotdogs and a sundae. Everyone was looking while i was eating, maybe they thought that my date didn't show up. hahaha..

While eating, I've noticed a little girl 2 tables away from me eating the skin of the chiken which happens to be the favorite of my niece as well..

Ilang araw na lang makikita ko na naman ang makulit kong pamangkin.

Right now, i am formulating thousands of plans in my head for all the things we will do on Christmas vacation in Bataan. We will watch Disney channel( even though there are NBA games),read books, play our favorite "morbid games", play "diver", "fitsh", and bubbles.

And by the way I continued my blog yesterday and this is for you Sophia.

I love you =)

A letter to my niece, Sophia Ysabel,

When you came into this world you definitely made it a more beautiful place. It was a wonderful day for our family. You see, your mommy is my sister. And when I finally got to meet you, I was full of indescribable joy. The first time I saw you, you were lying in your mother’s arms. For a moment, we felt our hearts grow bigger to make room for such a special girl. I got to hold you for the first time, and I instantly fell in love with you.

I also remember that time ate dindi didn't want me to get closer to you because she thought i was so big and she was afraid that i might press into you because you were still so tiny that time. So when ate is not around, I counted each one of your tiny fingernails and kissed your soft little forehead over and over again.

You are such a lucky girl because we have been praying for you since you were first conceived. I could tell that your mommy and daddy were so full of love for you. Your grandparents have always been there too.

From the moment you came, i knew that we’re going to have so much fun together – I have always been looking forward to the special days that we will share together as you grow up. Although I don’t live very close to you right now because I'm now living in a dormitory, I know that you hold a very special place in my heart.

When you get bigger, you can visit me and we’ll have fun sleepovers. I can tell stories about you when you were still a little girl. I will tell you how we would hide from your mum (because she thinks our games are morbid) and play tagutagu, kumut kumot, unan unan, sandwich and patay patay. I'll also tell you how papum and mamum have loved you and how excited they were everytime they knew that you were going home to Bataan. And I will tell you that i never thought that someone like you might come along one day, and never imagined how wonderful that day would be.

• 

I pray that you grow up healthy and happy. I pray that you know how much you are loved by your family and most of all, by God. He will be there to help you even when we cannot. Even when you think that no one understands, He does. I pray that one day you will look back and read these words when you need them. I am praying for you, Sophia. The world is an amazing place. Don’t grow up too fast! Enjoy every moment..

Tito "Lon-lon" would do anything for you.
I love you sooooooooooooo much! =)





Since you know almost every beatles song,since you even named one of your toys after one of their songs and since i love you so much, I would like to dedicate this to you...

Malas ???

Since the start of the 2nd semester, my daily morning routine has definitely been as monotonous as my life in the seminary.

-my cousin will wake me up at half past six even though I would really prefer to sleep more.

-will go upstairs to eat breakfast

-will be scolded by “Manay”(the cook of the dorm) for getting up late or for staring blank at the plate or for reading a book while eating, etc.

-will take a 5-minute bath =D

-will wear my uniform, fix my hair, prepare my things as fast as i can

-from P.noval will walk near the fire station and ride a jeep bound for Morayta



But yesterday while i'm in the middle of my sleep in the jeep(which is also one of my morning routine), I heard a couple of guys sitting infront of me chatting loudly.



“Badtrip talaga yung matandang dalaga na yun! Pinapasukan ko naman sya lagi, pu+@*&* !!!”



wow this sounds interesting =D



“Nagpapasa din naman ako mga requirements, minsan lang din naman ako malate, di din naman kababaan grades ko, bat nya ko ibabagsak? lintik naman o!”


aw ok =I


“Ok lang yan, sabi din nung kakilala ko na naging prof sya nanlalambang daw talaga yun ng grades, shit happens pare”


=) shit happens


i used to believe in that phrase..


When i was younger i really thought that bad things happen to people for no particular reason.



Malas!



Sabi nga nila..


is there such a thing as “malas”?


I would like to share something to you..





Bad luck in studies?



Let me first brag about this one, when i was in grade school i WAS a consistent achiever. Besides, the pressure was on me because i had to follow the footsteps of my two sisters who already had achieved so much that time.

From then on, many expected much from me.

But as i grew older and reached puberty stage, i began to explore new things and forgot to prioritize my studies. I was in the middle of confusing stage. It's as if my life had turned 180 degrees. I was just a mediocre student =(


Bad luck in love?


Have you ever imagined how hard it is for a boy being rejected by the SAME girl 7x? that boy would be me =) i was so inlove with her that i swallowed my pride 6x, she's in love with another.., I even developed a phobia of talking to girls when i was in highschool because of this. That's why I have been called torpe up to now, and that's also the reason why i wasn't able to fight for my love on the girl in my 2nd blog =(



Did I fail? Am i “malas” on everything? In a black and white world, absolutely – I didn't reach any of their expectations as far as my grades are concerned, thus I failed. I have never had a serious relationship since then, thus i have bad luck.
But let's look at the big picture a little closer, shall we?

During those years while it's true that luck(?) was not with me, here's what I did realize


ü being on top is not the most important thing. I remember one of my friends told me that sometimes,realizing your on top takes away humility.

ü no matter how much i try to be the man others want me to be there will ALWAYS be those who would find fault in everything that i would do, so why the hell should i be bothered? :p

ü too much self-expectations = big dissapointments..
Just do your best and let God do the rest, let God's will..


ü Dealing with a broken heart is really devastating and utterly painful. But I guess, it's just God’s way of calling me back to Him, to make me grow as a person, or maybe, to experience that to pave the way for something much better.(which i guess is entering the seminary).



ü i need not to do what i like rather i should like what i do

ü we should all stop manipulating everything. if things don’t go your way, it can be stressful, painful, and hard, but you don’t always have to be in control. It’s all just a part of the grand scheme of things.

ü Learning is a lifetime process

ü I also learned hat i have so much more to learn



ü no matter how you try to control things your way, if it’s not meant to be, it’s not going to happen. If you refuse to accept it and force it up to “7TH TIME”(hehe), you’re only prolonging the agony =D




ü amidst the negative thing that is happening in our life, we must always look at the positive side of it.



So does shit really happen? ok let's say yes.. But good things also happen out of it.



Problems will always be a part of life, and at times when you’re down, when you’re at your lowest point, talk to God. If you ask sincerely, He will enlighten you, clear your confusion, ease your pain, calm your fears, and heal your heart.





Everything happens for a reason, what’s supposed to happen will happen



You may not understand the reason now, but you will when the time is right






So...




Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by...


with a smile





You can't win at everything but you can try.

Yep! I am.. well, I was

OO SEMINARISTA AKO...

You read it right.
You're not imagining things.
And you're definitely not hallucinating =D

I am a seminarian.

Well, I was..

As young as 3, i already wanted to be a priest. although I also dreamt of becoming a barber and a taxi driver when i was in prep and grade 1, that "dream" of priesthood did not change. No one told me to be one. I just blurted it out when someone asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up. "gusto ko po maging pari." of course they were all surprised. You won't hear that kind of response from a typical male child, will you?


I was 17 years old when i entered the seminary. It was a very extraordinary experience. I felt so secured, of course, I'm with Him 24/7. Many told me that i missed a lot of fun. Well, i did not. In fact up to now, i'm still bragging that i have spent the two most memorable years of my life inside the seminary. I had fun. although not in the way most people think of. Ours is different. This is indeed true. I even call it “spiritual satisfaction” =)



This is the funny part. from 3 to 17 years old (that's 9 years!), not once did I ever have doubts if I really want to be a priest. But once you enter the seminary, once you live there, you begin to ask yourself, you begin to discern, this becomes stronger when you are about to approach your philosophy year. You began to see the “dark side”of some of the seminarians which of course i will no longer elaborate. You can say i had a VERY hard time. there were many things to consider. Add to that the influences of your "higher years" and the fact that some of them went out and come alumni homecoming, you would see them and it seems they are happier and have a better life compared to us who "continued" to struggle inside.. well, it's obvious that i decided to leave.

Okay let me destroy the common understanding here...the stereotyping. When a seminarian is asked to leave or go out of the seminary (in the vernacular, "napalabas"), or when he decides to go out(like in my case), people only think of two reasons: he has a girlfriend or he went out because of a girl. In my case it's worse, that i got a girl pregnant, naman o! =( Don't box us okay especially you oldies out there.=D We are treated on a case to case basis. in my case, physical, mental, emotional and even spritual exhaustion.

Anyway, where was I? Oh...yeah...i deided to leave (but not for good). But they were still generous enough to let me decide(minimum of 2 years)whether I would continue my seminary life or not. Yep i took a regency(it is understood as a period of years in duration in order that the seminarian may acquire greater maturity outside and they be enabled to make a definitive option between the priesthood or the odinary life)

It was hard, I can't even explain what i have felt that day, I kept on asking and saying why do I have to be this weak? but there was nothing i could do but accept the sad reality. But I really love the seminary, no doubt about it.


Of course you have no idea how hard it is to leave the seminary. So let me just put it in this way...

Seminary is like a past love, a past girlfriend who decided to break up with you even if you did not want to. you'd be bitter, you'd be angry, and you'd wish you had not met her. but after some time, the wounds would heal, you would learn to forgive, and when you see her again, you'd say, "damn I miss this girl!" but at the same time you know that you miss her, the company, the face, but not the feeling. I miss the seminary. but I know that I don't want to be back, FOR NOW. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what God has stored for me, but I pray that this, the life I have now, is what He wills me to have and to be.