Turned it white to blue... Just for you

"Did you look at the moon tonight Aaron?"

It was already ten in the evening

I was lying down the track oval...

I was forced by my cousin and our friend to watch a movie earlier,
I didn’t actually feel doing so, but it was some sort of farewell date with my cousin who’s about to go overseas next week
I immediately went here to have my peace of mind back after this draining day

“Are you still thinking of me every time you are staring at it Aaron?”

Brushing a cluster of grass, feeling the gentle wind touching my face, smoking a cigar and simultaneously staring at the moon and a picture of you with your new boyfriend

You seem very happy now… I never saw that grin before when we were still together

It was pitch black and extremely quiet.

Here I was again, thinking of you a week after I’ve finally decided to move on, how pathetic is that?

It still hurts, I don’t want to sound dramatic, but it really does.

I really don’t know what to do now, I couldn’t stop thinking of you and every time I do…
I would always be filled with that same unbearable sadness I felt the day you said “AYOKO NA SA’YO” with such disdain the last time I called you… your last words actually

“I miss you so much Aaron.”

While staring at the sky, I suddenly felt dizzy

Moments later… I heard a strange voice, ten meters away from me perhaps, uttering some words I couldn't understand.

I couldn't move nor shout

all of sudden I was able to open my eyes.

it was already 12:05, it was just a dream.

I lit my last cigar to calm my nerves, gazed at the moon for the last time. then I thought…

Did you look at the moon tonight Agatha?

Are you still thinking of me every time you are staring at it?

I miss you so much

Where the blue of the sea meets the sky

"When will you get over that girl?"

I just smile and went to my room and smoke a cigar (my last stick, I swear)

Sorry mom, I still do not know the answer

Some of my friends are asking me the same question, they are also trying to convince me that they understand ..but they really don't. 



What once seemed a beautiful way to live...

                                ....now affected by love

                                                                           ..is tinged with loneliness





I hate you so much but you still mean the world to me Aga. Why do I love you so much?



All I want now, is to start over- ALONE
And avoid the drama

..but give me a little time to get over you, just a little more

"Take me... where the blue of the sea meets the sky"

Oh let's go back to the start

It's 3:04 in the morning
I went downstairs to check the rolled up sleeping bag where the guard in our dormitory hides his pack of cigarettes.
 (He does this every night)
As usual he was sleeping

 I remember I used to steal dad's cigarette whenever I was depressed and whenever the pack was almost full so he wouldn't notice.
At least somehow I was helping him right? :)

After getting one, I sat on the empty room on the back of our dormitory, leaned against the wall, and had my first smoke in over a week.
 It was deafening. The silence inside the room and within me.
"Aaron!"
The sanubavich was already awake.
"Nanguha ka na naman ng yosi no? Halika nga dito may letter ata para sa'yo, binigay lang sakin kanina ng admin."
He handed me the postcard sent by my ex-girlfriend during her earlier months in France.
"Tagal na nito a?"

He didn't answer my question rather he kept on rebuking me about his missing cigar.
I sat idly in his table while swinging my legs and started to read the card.

"Umaga na, wala ka bang pasok?"

I didn't answer him immediately, I was busy trying to translate the French-filled letter by Aga.
"1 pa"
He turned on his ancient radio. You'll never see a radio that old in your life, believe me.

Coincidentally, Almost Over You by Sheena Easton was played while I was reading the 2nd to the last paragraph of the card

(Oh God)

Kuya Rin started snoring again when I got to the the last line of her letter

Je'taime

I smiled.

Sometimes I wonder, will the common poorwill ever come back during summer?
Then I look at the sky and realize, those birds had already flown away a long winter ago.

separating the wheat from the chaff

Dear blogspot,
i've deactivated my facebook account..i would like to start the school year with a metaphorical bang.

my sister told me that it already was a failure of success when i tried to tell it publicly and even said that it just showed how big a deal facebook is to me...and i do admit it :)
It's kind of insane if u think about how powerful a force social networking has become in our lives.


in my case, i guess it has diluted and distracted me from the things and people that really matter.

i think i dont need to be or should be in touch with everyone.


WORST- i kept on looking at HER profile

BUT i definitely know that facebook is a tool that can either be used for positive or negative ends.

ANYWAY expect more blog entries from this day forward...
Aaron :D

To whom it may concern

Enya - Only Time

I am just wondering at this very moment if you are also
thinking of me

Do you ask yourself as well "why the hell is it taking for us so long to find each other?"

Obviously, i don't know what's going on with your love life right now, or if you have any

how bout mine?

i'd like to tell you that almost everyday my friends are all telling me stories about their dramatic break ups and more dramatic reconciliation..
i mean what the heck are they talking about?

Up to now i still ask myself if i have ever really

known the thing they call....what is it again?

ahhh right...

LOVE

have i already found it? have i experienced it?

I always come to the thought that i finally found you only to be

disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not
yet ended.

proof?

they all left, and i left some of them as well :))

i dont know?

Are you also thinking of how we will meet?

would it be romantic? have i known you already but we are just not conscious yet that we're meant for each other? :))

Oh how I wish you were here RIGHT NOW

you see, i am so hurt at this moment

(let me tell you a short tragic story of mine)

i am now at the stage of building a wall around my damaged heart because I don't want to go through all that again.

yeah :|
i mean, i was just a frustrated-ex-seminarian looking for my self

looking for my new happiness because i guess i wont be able to pursue priesthood anymore

and this girl has just crushed my simple dream once again

a little mellow dramatic right?

but that's what i really feel

i always wanted to cry, but the same time i didn't..because i'm a man...we're supposed to be the strong ones..it is how the society molded us, right? :))

So what is love?

i believe we will never really know what it is until we
find each other :)
For now,i guess i would be just satisfied in my dreams(for you are
always there believe it or not)

It seems that, for now,
that is
the only place where I can hold on to you, long
enough to
tell you how much I love you. :)

everyday is like looking for the light switch in the dark room i call life.

but everytime i think of you i always face the new day ahead with the hope
that soon
enough, you will no longer be a dream but a
reality...

By then probably i would be the happiest man

all those pain, sleepless nights, those tears :)) those wasted time

i guess i would be
very
thankful for they all led me to you

Can you do me a favor in the mean time?

..can you please take care of yourself for me?
..can you hold on to our dream and never let go of it?

i truly believe that God has already planned the
course and it is up to us to follow the directions.
always pray

:)

an old "man" singing bato sa buhangin

Kapag ang puso'y natutong magmahal
Bawat tibok ay may kulay at buhay
Ngunit kung ang pagsuyo'y lilipas din... Bagay kaya ang bato sa buhangin?

i overheard an old man singing it last last last friday in an ikot jeep.

i even joined him in singing it and i suddenly noticed that he was looking right at me and winked
o.O

i then realized that i was wrong... he's not an old "man"

anyway..
i love (and at the same time hate) to hear this song... why?

it's because of the old "man" actually,
hahaha(wtf!)
just kidding

i don't know.. maybe because it reminds me of all those good times that will never be brought to life back again..


a stone and a sand are very opposite things, the former is solid and the latter cannot be held by hands, but in the beach, this two unite perfectly, the sand makes you able to stand to the stone without hurting you, the stone makes you float in the sand- in short they are a good match in spite of differences

and you know what?
i'm starting to be senseless and mellow dramatic again, so i better stop and just let you hear the song...
enjoy!(?)

A new hope :)

I just want to share the reflection paper that i was able to pass on time (for the very 1st time in a very long time) last week for our assignment in CD.

These are my thoughts about GMA, the progress(?) in our country,the new president etc :p

June 22, 2010

CD 11

Section B

Aaron R. Evangelista

2010-78552

I was only ten when Gloria Macapagal Arroyo took over the presidency from Joseph Estrada. That was when I started to care about current issues and politics. I was glued on TV, amazed by the so-called People Power, while dad patiently explained the events unfolding right before my eyes. Back then, GMA was EDSA Dos’ spare for despair. Take from that moment up to the time I went to college, I literally grew up with the Arroyo administration.

Now nearly a decade later, her well-liked support has all but gone—most polls have given her a miserably negative rating. According to her many critics, her reputation is tarnished beyond repair. Her term has been tainted with several graft and corruption charges, add to that, the alleged injustices.

Two EDSA Revolts in the last 22 years, yet we are still plagued by corruption and defective governance. This condition only aggravate the endless cycle of poverty. We are doomed to be always on top of the corruption list—which primarily weakens our institutions. Educational system, for instance is a great cause of worry. The probable reason behind this is the misallocation of budget. Does the government actually prioritize to provide adequate and equitable social services? Indeed, we only have to see the many faces of poverty in the Philippines to understand the real situation. In my own opinion poverty comes from poor education system that results to poor integrity of a community or a system of body. Up to now, corruption and defective governance continue to impede the Philippines' economic and social development.

That’s the reason why may Filipinos can't help being cynical about the future of our country as far as progress and development is concerned. Many fear that our country is not making any improvement, contrary to the proclamations of government. The rich are getting wealthier while the poor are getting deeper and deeper into the mud. Educate the poor, provide them the necessary social services and equal opportunity. They too shall contribute to the country’s progress.

Until now, I still believe that the sincerity and integrity of our leaders could play a significant role in to uplift our country. If our officials will still focus their attention on self interest, our country will never attain the progress and development we've been longing for.

We had the very first automated election last June. To tell the truth, my candidate did not win. But with democracy at work I am willing to give this administration a chance. We saw how the Filipinos trusted our institution with 75% voters turned out. We now have a new set of political leaders, including our new president, Senator Noynoy Aquino, some say that he won just because of his surname. But I’ve also heard again and again that he would be an honest and transparent president.

As his battle slogan is "walang mahirap, walang korap" I am still hoping not wishing that he will be able to deliver his promise and I am giving him a chance to help us. But I do hope as well that he would be able to keep his promise of higher quality education in the country, because I believe that an improved education system can lead the Philippines closer to progress.

Like what his father, Sen. Benigno Aquino said, given a good leader, Filipinos are good followers, I believe that there is hope for unity and progress in this country. Everything is possible as long as we would continue working with our government. The Filipinos should all gear towards this direction. This is not an over night reform, and absolutely, not in the hands of the president alone. The active participation of civil society and the collective action from the people should complete the ingredients to a better society.