OO SEMINARISTA AKO...
You read it right.
You're not imagining things.
And you're definitely not hallucinating =D
I am a seminarian.
Well, I was..
As young as 3, i already wanted to be a priest. although I also dreamt of becoming a barber and a taxi driver when i was in prep and grade 1, that "dream" of priesthood did not change. No one told me to be one. I just blurted it out when someone asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up. "gusto ko po maging pari." of course they were all surprised. You won't hear that kind of response from a typical male child, will you?
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I was 17 years old when i entered the seminary. It was a very extraordinary experience. I felt so secured, of course, I'm with Him 24/7. Many told me that i missed a lot of fun. Well, i did not. In fact up to now, i'm still bragging that i have spent the two most memorable years of my life inside the seminary. I had fun. although not in the way most people think of. Ours is different. This is indeed true. I even call it “spiritual satisfaction” =)
This is the funny part. from 3 to 17 years old (that's 9 years!), not once did I ever have doubts if I really want to be a priest. But once you enter the seminary, once you live there, you begin to ask yourself, you begin to discern, this becomes stronger when you are about to approach your philosophy year. You began to see the “dark side”of some of the seminarians which of course i will no longer elaborate. You can say i had a VERY hard time. there were many things to consider. Add to that the influences of your "higher years" and the fact that some of them went out and come alumni homecoming, you would see them and it seems they are happier and have a better life compared to us who "continued" to struggle inside.. well, it's obvious that i decided to leave.
Okay let me destroy the common understanding here...the stereotyping. When a seminarian is asked to leave or go out of the seminary (in the vernacular, "napalabas"), or when he decides to go out(like in my case), people only think of two reasons: he has a girlfriend or he went out because of a girl. In my case it's worse, that i got a girl pregnant, naman o! =( Don't box us okay especially you oldies out there.=D We are treated on a case to case basis. in my case, physical, mental, emotional and even spritual exhaustion.
Anyway, where was I? Oh...yeah...i deided to leave (but not for good). But they were still generous enough to let me decide(minimum of 2 years)whether I would continue my seminary life or not. Yep i took a regency(it is understood as a period of years in duration in order that the seminarian may acquire greater maturity outside and they be enabled to make a definitive option between the priesthood or the odinary life)
It was hard, I can't even explain what i have felt that day, I kept on asking and saying why do I have to be this weak? but there was nothing i could do but accept the sad reality. But I really love the seminary, no doubt about it.
Of course you have no idea how hard it is to leave the seminary. So let me just put it in this way...
Seminary is like a past love, a past girlfriend who decided to break up with you even if you did not want to. you'd be bitter, you'd be angry, and you'd wish you had not met her. but after some time, the wounds would heal, you would learn to forgive, and when you see her again, you'd say, "damn I miss this girl!" but at the same time you know that you miss her, the company, the face, but not the feeling. I miss the seminary. but I know that I don't want to be back, FOR NOW. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what God has stored for me, but I pray that this, the life I have now, is what He wills me to have and to be.
You read it right.
You're not imagining things.
And you're definitely not hallucinating =D
I am a seminarian.
Well, I was..
As young as 3, i already wanted to be a priest. although I also dreamt of becoming a barber and a taxi driver when i was in prep and grade 1, that "dream" of priesthood did not change. No one told me to be one. I just blurted it out when someone asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up. "gusto ko po maging pari." of course they were all surprised. You won't hear that kind of response from a typical male child, will you?
.jpg)
I was 17 years old when i entered the seminary. It was a very extraordinary experience. I felt so secured, of course, I'm with Him 24/7. Many told me that i missed a lot of fun. Well, i did not. In fact up to now, i'm still bragging that i have spent the two most memorable years of my life inside the seminary. I had fun. although not in the way most people think of. Ours is different. This is indeed true. I even call it “spiritual satisfaction” =)
This is the funny part. from 3 to 17 years old (that's 9 years!), not once did I ever have doubts if I really want to be a priest. But once you enter the seminary, once you live there, you begin to ask yourself, you begin to discern, this becomes stronger when you are about to approach your philosophy year. You began to see the “dark side”of some of the seminarians which of course i will no longer elaborate. You can say i had a VERY hard time. there were many things to consider. Add to that the influences of your "higher years" and the fact that some of them went out and come alumni homecoming, you would see them and it seems they are happier and have a better life compared to us who "continued" to struggle inside.. well, it's obvious that i decided to leave.
Okay let me destroy the common understanding here...the stereotyping. When a seminarian is asked to leave or go out of the seminary (in the vernacular, "napalabas"), or when he decides to go out(like in my case), people only think of two reasons: he has a girlfriend or he went out because of a girl. In my case it's worse, that i got a girl pregnant, naman o! =( Don't box us okay especially you oldies out there.=D We are treated on a case to case basis. in my case, physical, mental, emotional and even spritual exhaustion.
Anyway, where was I? Oh...yeah...i deided to leave (but not for good). But they were still generous enough to let me decide(minimum of 2 years)whether I would continue my seminary life or not. Yep i took a regency(it is understood as a period of years in duration in order that the seminarian may acquire greater maturity outside and they be enabled to make a definitive option between the priesthood or the odinary life)
It was hard, I can't even explain what i have felt that day, I kept on asking and saying why do I have to be this weak? but there was nothing i could do but accept the sad reality. But I really love the seminary, no doubt about it.
Of course you have no idea how hard it is to leave the seminary. So let me just put it in this way...
Seminary is like a past love, a past girlfriend who decided to break up with you even if you did not want to. you'd be bitter, you'd be angry, and you'd wish you had not met her. but after some time, the wounds would heal, you would learn to forgive, and when you see her again, you'd say, "damn I miss this girl!" but at the same time you know that you miss her, the company, the face, but not the feeling. I miss the seminary. but I know that I don't want to be back, FOR NOW. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what God has stored for me, but I pray that this, the life I have now, is what He wills me to have and to be.
